well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
