Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
