Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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