Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just high enough for therapy.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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