Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i out mim tonsoeep
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