Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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