btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
