I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
