i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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