woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
