Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
