We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
how drunk are you?
Several
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
