im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
