I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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