More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
