Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
