dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
