So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
