Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
