people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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