Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
