He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Randomize
