He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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