So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
