No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
