Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
