i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Can I color on your dick again?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Everyone says I win the strip club
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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