I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
