a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
