she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
