There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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