well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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