You just made me feel so damn special
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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