Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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