Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
