dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
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Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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