I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
