Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
