1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
