u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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