Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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