and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
