I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You ate ashes out of my bong
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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