I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
