I need to stop coming to work sober
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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