Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
