Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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