I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
