Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
