Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Couch. On fire.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
