just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
