I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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