I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
