her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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