You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
