dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
