He is such a slut. More and more my type.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
