Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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