another moral hangover. fuck.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
