I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
