I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
