did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
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You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
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She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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