yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
