I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
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just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
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I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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