im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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