I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
