non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
