its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
