Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I pour the whiskey from now on
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
