the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
