Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
