even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
