Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
