tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
